This post is about how a personality test changed my life. This personality test.
Have you ever been totally conflicted about choosing passion over practicality in your career path or education? Or wondered which personality traits you should be proud to exhibit, and which ones you should work on overcoming?
Because that happens to be the story of my life.
I am married to someone who knows his calling in life. He is a very simple person. He is a music man. Period, end of story. Whether he wants it or not, it is him. Anyone who knows him knows it is true, can’t imagine anything else for him. Being paired with someone in life who is so clearly ‘something’ (very passionate and driven in that regard) seems to highlight the fact that I am not clearly anything, and that I pretty much have the most boring, run-of-the-mill job on earth, and that I am pretty much passionate about nothing. [Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my roles in life, but still, sans pizzaz.] So I daydream about going back to school…for…I don’t know. Sure, I love psychology…kind of. But that is a long road for something I feel on the fence about, and lets be honest – more student loans? No thanks. I really love design and art…but then, compared to other people well on their way, I am not committed or raw enough to make it a career. And even if I were, health insurance keeps coming to mind! And what about the children! They will come along surely, and when they do, I’ll have an even harder time with all of this mental balancing act.
Sounds fun being in my head, doesn’t it? These thoughts have been a scrolling marquee in my brain for pretty much as long as I can remember.
Last week, I decided to take some action. I had some time to kill, so I took a 500 question personality/career aptitude test online (you can take it here) to get some much-needed direction. And, let me tell you – I was floored with the results. Beyond floored, really. A total loss for words is more accurate.
On a scale of 1 to 100, I scored 118 on Provocativeness. To say that I was slightly uncomfortable with provocative being associated with my personality, let alone my stand-out quality, would be the understatement of the century. The most unnerving part was that I was totally unaware of it! And then to consider how any person, let alone myself, can be extremely provocative and simultaneously extremely mellow (the opposite of cool-headedness – I scored 11) as well as in complete control of one’s impulses (I scored 107 on Impulse Control) seems like the epitome of an oxymoron? Please tell me how it is possible to very much embody ALL THREE of those traits?!
But that was my initial reaction. I’ve been thinking about these scores for days now. I even confided in my best friend Meg for reassurance and a little pick-me-up, and feedback. Meg wouldn’t lie to me. Part of me, in defiance, wanted to snuff out my “Self-Disclosure” quality and keep this all to myself. Obviously that didn’t work because here I am blogging about it. I thought this was a career assessment going into it, not a complete personality diagnostic!
But for some reason, this assessment struck a chord in my raw center and woke something up in me. It was a more accurate career assessment and personality test than I am comfortable with. When I am really truly honest with myself, there is a little, snuffed out star of a dream inside me that never ever says goodnight. No matter how much I write it off, and ignore it, or bury it, it bubbles up to the surface every time and fights vigorously to stay alive and have a chance.
Who is provocative, self-disclosing, calculated, empathetic, deep, intellectual, imaginative, and a tad anti-social?
A writer. And, apparently, me. Textbook me.
The acknowledgement is freeing. There it is.
I am a writer.
[Please feel free to take the personality test and comment on what surprised you!]