I think it’s been mentioned that one semester in college Jones and I had nearly every class together – this included an art class called “Foundation 3 Dimensional Art” – a prerequisite for just about every art major.
I have a hard time remembering most of the projects we did, except for one – and I’ll explain why in a minute. Also – this little experience helps illustrate the difference between a Bayba-ism and a Jones-ism.
So, in our intro 3-D art class we were learning about convex vs. concave shapes. I found a little example for you:
The image on the left is an example of a concave shape and the one on the right – a convex shape.
For this particular project we were going to make small sculptures representing convex and concave shapes using plaster of paris (a dry powder you mix with water that hardens in minutes) AND condoms.
Can you tell we weren’t BYU art majors?
According to our professor, they were the best choice for the project. They were easier to fill with the plaster (than say, water balloons) and you can shape them how you like – and the plaster sets quickly. When the plaster sets you remove the condom and wa-lah! You have a nifty sculpture.
Here is a very classy example of what we were to achieve:
(Note: I recall our project looking much less turd-like)
So we were going to need to purchase some condoms for this project. Now, for probably 99% of college kids in America, this isn’t going to be a big deal, in fact, you probably already have them. But for my fellow Mormon roomie and myself, this wasn’t something we had purchased before, let alone used. (For any non-Mormons reading this, we tend to practice abstinence before marriage – hence, no need for condoms at this time)
Well, Friday morning came and I had yet to make my “purchase.” I was a bit mortified to do so. I’m not sure why Jones and I didn’t carpool together that morning or why we didn’t even split the purchase, we were only going to need two for the assignment.
Anyway! Friday morning had arrived and I set off for my local VONS grocery store. I made my way quickly to the designated isle. I felt lucky that the store was pretty empty that early in the day. I grabbed the box and went straight to the only open register, where working was an older Asian man. By the way, when I say “walk straight” I really mean b-line it as fast as possible with my head down.
Now, this is a classic Bayba-ism – why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut? Play it cool? I don’t know… it’s because I’m Bayba and I don’t play it cool. Ever. I felt I had to justify this purchase to a complete stranger that probably wasn’t even giving it a second thought. But the words came out anyway.
“They’re… They’re for an art project.” (WHY Bayba?? Why???)
The man looks up at me, hands me my receipt and says,
“Well, you know what do to with the extras.”
I walk away, even more mortified than before.
I make my way to school, reliving the scenario over and over… Jones strolls into class late that day, with her VONS bag in hand. (And by stroll, I mean a “Jones-ism stroll” – the most casual, laid back walk you have ever seen – like she is walking to some Bob Marley or Jack Johnson music that only she can hear). In her bag was the necessary box of condoms, a Sobe drink and box of animal cookies. She figured that she would play it cool and hide the condoms discretely among the other two items…because who doesn’t need animal crackers and a Sobe with their condom purchase?
The combination of items was so funny and random to me. Why didn’t I think to throw in a box of animal cookies with my purchase?
Because Jones is Jones and I am Bayba, and that’s how we roll.
And no, in case you were wondering, we didn’t save our sculptures.